The Aftermath
by Cheyennes
Summary: I don't own any of the characters though I wish I did. This story takes place after the fight in Episode 7. While Dutch is one of the strongest people Johnny and Dav know, even she gets rattled and can lose her focused control.


My eyes snapped open at the soft sound of movement in the hallway outside my room. Based on the short stride I knew it was Dutch. She had a way of moving that was practically silent. Probably learned during the mysterious years of her childhood. If you could even call it a childhood.

If I hadn't been such a light sleeper, with my door ajar to listen for Johnny, I never would have heard her. If things weren't so awkward between us, I probably would have joined her. But she had made herself scarce except for her checks on Johnny's recovery.

When I heard water starting to run in the background I allowed it to lull me to sleep. Sleep without nightmares was something I desperately needed..

My eyes opened again. No threat was present but something had awakened me from my blessedly dreamless sleep. A quick check of the time indicated it had only been an hour since the last time I had surfaced from sleep. I again noticed the soft sound of water running in the background. I couldn't imagine what Dutch could be doing. Cooking at this hour? Cooking at all? Unlikely on both counts. I grabbed a pair of pants and pulled them on before heading out to investigate.

Two doors down I glanced in at Johnny who was sleeping soundly. I said a quick prayer of thanks that he was recovering quicker than anyone had expected. I was also grateful that when Dutch had asked Johnny to leave his door ajar, he hadn't argued. He seemed pretty sensitive to the pain that was shadowing Dutch's gaze lately. He didn't want to make it worse. His agreement worked for me too since I could sleep easier knowing that I would hear him if he had a need. Something told me he wouldn't have agreed if it had been me asking.

I followed Dutch's earlier path down the hall and made my way into the kitchen area. She was at the sink. I couldn't prevent my eyes from tracing the length of her legs as they disappeared under her long sleep shirt. Their beauty was marred by some remaining bruises from when we had fought. Or more accurately, when I had tried to kill her and she had had to defend herself. I knew I was lucky to be alive. She could have killed me. She had been strong and vicious. Her actions that day had stirred things up in her that had been better left sleeping. As she had for most of the week, she didn't turn around to acknowledge my presence. She acted totally absorbed in her task.

"Dutch, shouldn't you be sleeping?" I asked softly.

There was no response so I moved closer. I turned and pressed my back against the wall so I could look over at her face. She didn't respond or so much as glance in my direction. Even with the new awkwardness between us I didn't think she would just ignore me.

"Dutch?"

Still no response. I looked down at her hands under the running water. She was scrubbing at them. Scrubbing them to the point where they were beginning to turn raw. She was also looking down at them but her expression was blank. It was like her thoughts were somewhere else. Gently touching her shoulder caused her to recoil, but not enough to pull her hands out from under the running stream of water.

I watched her lips move though no sound emerged. Lip reading was not one of my better skills but I could swear she was saying, "Too much blood". I leaned in front of her and turned off the water but her movements never ceased. Did she have a compulsion disorder? I hadn't seen any signs of it before but I hadn't been on the team all that long. Just long enough to know I never wanted to leave. I reached out towards her shoulder again and it caused the same reaction as before. I wasn't sure what to do now. But I knew the other person on this ship was one that Dutch trusted more than any other: Johnny.

Since Johnny was well enough to be up and around, I walked back down the hallway to get his help. Unlike me, he didn't even flinch when I entered his room. While Johnny's instincts might not have been quite as finely honed as my own, he did wake up and struggle to a seated position the second I touched him.

"What's up?"

"Something's going on with Dutch. She's in the kitchen and she's been washing her hands for quite a while. She doesn't want me to touch her, which isn't all that unexpected at the moment, but I can tell something isn't right."

"Shit, " Johnny said as he ran his hands through his hair, "She hasn't done this in years."

"Hasn't done what?"

"She's sleepwalking Dav. When everything is going well this doesn't happen. Seeing Khlyen, fighting you, seeing me hurt. . . it must be bringing up old feelings and memories. Since she doesn't talk things out, her mind works on things while she's sleeping. Great when she is actually in her bed. The problem is that her reactions when she's up and moving around can be pretty extreme. Like she's being threatened. It took me quite a while to be able to intervene without getting hurt doing it."

Johnny gingerly rolled out of bed with a sigh and grabbed a shirt to pull on with the shorts. I followed him down the hall. While I had been gone, Dutch had apparently turned the water on again. Johnny moved to her right and softly called her name. He was careful not to touch her and slowly she turned to look at him. I was behind Johnny and could see that her expression was fairly neutral but her eyes were pools of pain. He and I both knew her pain wasn't anything physical. Wasn't anything easily fixed. Johnny slowly reached out and turned off the water before taking Dutch's small hands in both of his own. Using that leverage he turned her to face him.

"Your hands are clean, Dutch."

"No, they aren't," she whispered back tonelessly.

Johnny raised both hands and kissed the backs of them.

"Yes, they are. Everything's good."

I watched how gentle Johnny was with her. How comforting. I was witnessing a bond that had taken years to form. When Dutch was awake she was the strong lead in their partnership. Of course, when she was awake, she also seemed far from fragile. Looking at her now, fragile summed it up. In her current state, Johnny was in charge. It hurt my heart to see her continuing to glance between Johnny's face and her hands. I knew that I had only seen a slight glimpse into the nightmare of her childhood. Her first kill at 8? How many more kills had she been involved in before she got herself out of that life? Now the bastard was trying to pull her back in and it was starting to crack the emotional shields she used to cope. She was too strong to let it effect her daily life but, once her guard was down, her nightmares bubbled up and over.

As I watched, Johnny slowly began walking backwards pulling Dutch with him. Once he was sure she was going to follow he moved to her side wrapping his arm around her waist. I moved to the other side. She was between us and her shoulders brushed ours occasionally. Her room was the furthest down the hall but we made it with no difficulty. I had half expected her to turn around during our journey. I watched as Dutch entered her room, slowly pulled her hands away from Johnny, and climbed up onto the bed. She proceeded to lay on her side to stare at the wall with the same look in her eyes that she'd had the whole time. I couldn't stand it. Things hadn't been this bad for her prior to my attempt to hurt her.

I approached the bed and slowly crouched down to her level before reaching out to cup her cheek. The bruises from our fight the previous week were almost gone. But the memories were something I would carry with me forever. If not for her training she would have been dead. She would be another face in my nightmares and her loss would have destroyed any chance Johnny and I had to be partners. There were times I was fairly sure Johnny would pick her over me. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to be upset over it. Dutch needed him.

I watched her turn her cheek into my hand and felt my eyes mist over. It was the most physical contact we'd had since the fight. I could feel Johnny watching as my hand slid up the side of her face and began brushing her hair back behind her ear. He wasn't thrilled at the thought of us having a relationship. But he also wasn't thrilled at the new distance between us. I watched as her eyes fluttered closed and then opened again. I continued the soft touches and each time her eyes closed they remained that way longer. Within a couple minutes, I felt the subtle movement of her body as all of her muscles relaxed back into sleep. Johnny obviously noticed it as well.

"She'll probably sleep the rest of the night. I've never known her to get up twice."

I couldn't help but ask the question on my mind as one tear slipped down her face.

"Do you think finding and killing Khlyen will help her?"

"Not as much as I would like. The worst of the damage has been done. The only benefit of finding and killing Khlyen is that she might feel safe again. Honestly, I don't think she's all that worried about herself. She worries more about us and fears that we might die from knowing her. But we are the only family she's ever had and she can't give us up. She opens up to us more than anyone else. She's never said it out loud but I think losing us is probably her biggest fear and her biggest weakness. She'll do anything to protect us."

I looked into Johnny's eyes,

"And we would do anything to protect her, right?"

"Damn straight. She's beyond important to me. I don't want her to lose her life or lose herself to her demons."

"Me neither."

I stood and joined Johnny in the doorway. We both looked in at her and then at one another. Much passed between us in that glance. We wouldn't allow anyone to hurt her and we were going to try and heal the hurts she had already experienced.


End file.
